How to Win Friends & Influence People

QHB's 10 Points of Focus and Summaries

How to Win Friends & Influence People 10 Points:

1. Dale Carnegie’s 9 Ways to get the Most out of a Book (How to read a Book): Develop a deep driving desire to master the principles taught in the book. Read each chapter twice before going on the next one. As you read, stop frequently to ask yourself how can you apply each suggestions in your life. Underscore / highlight each important idea. Review the book constantly, ex each month or every year. Apply these principles at every opportunity. Make your learning from the books more interesting. Ex rewarding yourself every-time you reach a certain chapter or when you apply the principles. Check up constantly on the progress that you are making. Always keep notes on the principles and your progress in applying the principles in real life.

2. Dale Carnegie’s 3 Principles on What to do and What not to do towards people (How to Handle People): Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation. Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want.

3. Dale Carnegie’s 6 Ways to Make People Like You (How to Win Friends): Become Genuinely Interested in other people. Smile. Remember that a Person’s name is to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Be a Good Listener and Encourage others to talk about themselves. Talk in the other person’s Interests. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.

4. Dale Carnegie’s 12 Ways to Win People to your way of Thinking (How to influence People): The Only Way to get the best of an Argument is to avoid it. Show respect for the other person’s opinions and Never say, “You’re wrong”. If you are Wrong, Admit it Quickly and Emphatically. Begin in a Friendly Way. Get the other Person saying “Yes, Yes” immediately. Let the other Person do a Great Deal of Talking. Let the other person Feel that the idea is His or Hers. Try Honestly to see things from the other’s person Point of View. Be Sympathetic with the Other Person’s Ideas and Desires Appeal to the Nobler Motives. Dramatize your Ideas. Throw down a Challenge.

5. Dale Carnegie’s 9 Ways to Change People without giving offense or arousing resentment (How to be a Leader): Begin with praise and honest appreciation. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Let the other person save face. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “Hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Use encouragement and Make the fault seem easy to correct. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

6. Dale Carnegie’s 7 Rules for making your home life happier (How to be a good Partner): Don’t Nag. Don’t try to to make your partner over. Don’t criticize. Give honest appreciation. Pay little attentions. Be courteous. Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.

7. The person who is willing to put the interest of others first will have a higher chances of succeeding.

8. Do your best to be the better person every single time.

9. Be Kind and kindness will eventually come back to you.

10. Good Household = A Happy Wife and Happy Husband.

QHB's Selected Book Quotes and Summaries

*** DC = Dale Carnegie (The Author)

=== How this Book was written - and Why ===

# “ But the person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people - that person is headed for higher earning power.” - DC

=== A Shortcut to Distinction ===

# “The Ability to speak is a shortcut to distinction. It puts a person in the limelight, raises one head and shoulders above the crowd. And the person who can speak acceptably is usually given credit for an ability out of all proportion to what he or she really possess.” - Lowell Thomas

=== Nine Suggestions on How to get the most out of this book ===

# Dale Carnegie’s 9 Ways to get the Most out of a Book (How to read a Book): Develop a deep driving desire to master the principles taught in the book. Read each chapter twice before going on the next one. As you read, stop frequently to ask yourself how can you apply each suggestions in your life. Underscore / highlight each important idea. Review the book constantly, ex each month. Apply these principles at every opportunity. Make your learning from the books more interesting. Ex rewarding yourself every-time you reach a certain chapter or when you apply the principles Check up constantly on the progress that you are making. Always keep notes on the principles and your progress in applying the principles in real life.

=== Part One - Fundamental Techniques in Handling People ===

# Dale Carnegie’s 3 Principles on What to do and What not to do towards people (How to Handle People): 1. Don’t Criticize, 2, Condemn or Complain. 3, Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation. Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want.

1. “ If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive” -

# “There you are; Human nature in action, wrongdoers, blaming everybody but themselves. We are all like that. So when you and i are tempted to criticize someone tomorrow, Lets realize that criticism are like homing pigeons. They always return home. Lets realize that the person we are going to criticize and condemn will probably justify themselves and condemn us in return.“ - Dale Carnegie

# “I will speak ill of no man... and speak all the good i know of everybody.” - Benjamin Franklin

# “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” - Dale Carnegie

# “A Great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.” - Carlyle

# Principle 1 - Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain, but rather speak good on everything, or say nothing at all.

2. The Big Secret of Dealing with People -

# “I Consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambition of a person as criticism from superiors. I never criticize anyone.” - Charles Schwab

# “When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what do you think was discovered to be the main reasons wives ran away? It was Lack of Appreciation. And i’d bet that a similar study made of runaway husbands would come out the same way” - Dale Carnegie

# “She was almost in tears. Needless to say, i was extremely glad i had not criticized her as she had requested.” - The Husband of a troubled wife.

# “The difference between Appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere the other insincere. One comes from the heart out, the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish, the other is selfish. One is universally admired, the other universally condemned.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.” - General Alvaro Obregon

# “Teach me neither to proffer nor receive cheap praise.” - King George V

# “Thats all flattery is - cheap praise.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Nothing pleases children more than this kind of parental interest and approval.” - Dale Carnegie

# Principle 2 - Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation, rather then flattery or criticism. Remember, Excessive Praise = Flattery, so remember to avoid doing so.

3. “He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot, walks a Lonely way.” -

# “So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. “ - Dale Carnegie

# “Every act you have ever performed since the day you were born was performed because you wanted something.” - Dale Carnegie

# “First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.” - Professor Harry A. Overstreet

# “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” - Henry Ford

# “Mrs Anderson did not state what she wanted, but wrote in the letter how she could help them, and focused in their wants, not her own.” - Dale Carnegie

# “The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.” - Dale Carnegie

# “People who can put themselves in the place of other people who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.” - Owen D. Young

# “If out of reading this book you get just one thing - an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle - If you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career.” - Dale Carnegie

# Principle 3 - Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want, put yourself into their shoes and see why are they saying or acting in this way by wondering what they want or what they wish to hear, and arouse them by either giving it to them, saying it to them or by showing them how to get it, all this to your advantage.

=== Part Two - Six Ways to Make People Like you ===

# Dale Carnegie’s 6 Ways to Make People Like You (How to Win Friends): 1. Become Genuinely Interested in other people. 2. Smile. 3. Remember that a Person’s name is to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language. 4. Be a Good Listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. 5. Talk in the other person’s Interests. 6. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.

1. Do This and You’ll be Welcome Anywhere -

# “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” - Dale Carnegie

# “People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves - morning, noon and dinner.” - Dale Carnegie

# “It is the individuals who is not interested in his fellow man who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is invariably from among such individuals that all human failures spring.” - Alfred Adler

# “I have discovered from personal experience that one can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them.” - Dale Carnegie

# “I had made more headway in two hours by becoming genuinely interested in him and his problems than i could have made in 10 years trying to get him interested in me and my product.” - Mr. Knaphle

# “We are interested in others when they are interested in us.” - Publilius Syrus

# Principle 1 - Become Genuinely Interested in other people by always maintaining full eye contact and giving him / her your main attention, and the other person must be equally or more interested in you, it must be a two-way street - both parties benefit.

2. A Simple Way to make a Good First Impression -

# “Action speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you, you make me happy. I am glad to see you.” - Charles Schwab

# “ An insincere grin? No. That doesn’t fool anybody. We know it is mechanical and we resent it. I am talking about a real smile, a heartwarming smile, a smile that comes from within, the kind of smile that will bring a good price in the marketplace.” - Dale Carnegie

# “People who smile tend to manage teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. Theres far more information in a smile than a frown. Thats why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.” - Professor James V. McConnell

# “The effect of a smile is powerful - even when it is unseen.” - Dale Carnegie

# “You can be assured, I am still answering my phone with a smile.” - Robert Cryer

# “I have also eliminated criticism from my system. I give appreciation and praise instead of condemnation. I have stopped talking about what i want. I am now trying to see the other person’s viewpoint. And these things have literally revolutionize my life. I am a totally different man, a happier, a richer man, richer in friendships and happiness - the only things that matter much after all.” - William B. Steinhardt

# “You don’t feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. Second, control your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.” - Dale Carnegie

# “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” - William Shakespeare.

# “After a few weeks, she said to herself, “Maria you can’t expect those women to come to you. You have to go out and meet them.” - Dale Carnegie

# “A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.” - Ancient Chinese Saying

# Principle 2 - Smile, even if you are sad in the inside or don’t want to, force yourself to smile and do your best to control your thoughts to see something from a positive side of view.

3. If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble -

# “In the beginning, it was a very simple one. Whenever he met a new acquaintance, he found out his or her complete name and some facts about his or her family, business and political opinions. He fixed all these facts well in mind as Part of the picture, and the next time he met that person, even if it was a year later, he was able to shake hands, inquire after the family, and ask about the hollyhocks in the backyard. No wonder he developed a following.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Jim Farley discovered early in life that the average person is more interested in his or her name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget or dispel it - you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage. “ - Dale Carnegie

# “The bigger the corporation, the colder it becomes. One way to warm it up is to remember People’s names.” - Benton Love

# “Franklin D. Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important - yet how many of us do it?” - Dale Carnegie

# “To recall a voters name is statesmanship. To forget it is oblivion.” - A Political Saying

# Principle 3 - Remember that a Person’s name is to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Always make the effort to remember the person’s full name, for that name is the key to winning the person’s good will.

4. An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist -

# “That kept her talking for forty-five minutes. She never again asked me where i had been or what i had seen. She didn’t want to hear about my travels. All she wanted was an interested listener, so she could expand her ego and tell about where she has been. Was she unusual? No. Many people are like that.” - Dale Carnegie

# “And so i had him thinking of me as a good conversationalist when, in reality, i had been merely a good listener and had encouraged him to talk.” - Dale Carnegie

# “I listened patiently to all he had to say. I was tempted to interrupt, but i realized that would be bad policy, so i let him talk himself out.” - Mr. Detmer

# “They have been so much concerned with what they are going to say next that they do not keep their ears open... Very important people have told me that they prefer good listeners to good talkers, but the ability to listen seems rarer than almost any other good trait.” - Isaac F. Marcosson

# “You have no idea what it meant to be listened to like that.” - Sigmund Freud

# “Those people who think only for themselves, are hopelessly uneducated. They are not educate, no matter how instructed they may be.” - Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler

# “So if you aspire to be a good Conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.” - Dale Carnegie

# Principle 4 - Be a Good Listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Next time when starting a conversation, remember that people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.

5. How to Interest People -

# “For Roosevelt knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about their most treasured things.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Because he is a gentleman. He saw you were interested in boats, and he talked about the things he knew would interest and please you. He made himself agreeable. “ - William Lyon Pehlps’s Mum

# Principle 5 - Talk in the other person’s Interests. Remember, talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off both parties: that person will enjoy talking to you and you get the person to like you. It’s important not to talk about random unrelated uninteresting topics.

6. How to make People Like you Instantly -

# “If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return - if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve. “ - Dale Carnegie

# “There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never got into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble. The law is this: Always make the other person feel important” - Dale Carnegie

# “The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Every man i meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.” - Emerson

# “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.” - Disraeli

# Principle 6 - Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely. You can do this by just shutting up and letting the other person speak about themselves or them speaking on any topic that the person can think off and at the same time giving full eye contact and genuinely listen and respond. Just Let the other Person do a Great Deal of Talking and once in a while, give a little praise to make the other person feel good for once.

=== Part 3 - 12 Way to Win People to your Way of thinking ===

# Dale Carnegie’s 12 Ways to Win People to your way of Thinking (How to Influence People): 1. The Only Way to get the best of an Argument is to avoid it. 2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong”. 3. If you are Wrong, Admit it Quickly and Emphatically. 4. Begin in a Friendly Way. 5. Get the other Person saying “Yes, Yes” immediately. 6. Let the other Person do a Great Deal of Talking. 7. Let the other person Feel that the idea is His or Hers. 8. Try Honestly to see things from the other’s person Point of View. 9. Be Sympathetic with the Other Person’s Ideas and Desires. 10. Appeal to the Nobler Motives. 11. Dramatize your Ideas. 12. Throw down a Challenge.

1. You can’t win an Argument -

# “I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument - and that is to avoid it.” - Dale Carnegie

# “9/10, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.” - Dale Carnegie

# “If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponents good will.” - Ben Franklin

# “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.” - Buddha

# “Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let him finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstandings.” - Dale Carnegie

# “When two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.” - Jan Peerce

# Principle 1 - The Only Way to get the best of an Argument is to avoid it, even when you are tempted to do so.

2. A sure way of making enemies - and how to avoid it -

# “You cannot teach a man anything; You can only help him to find it within himself.” - Galileo

# “Be wiser than other people of you can; but do not tell them so.” - Lord Chesterfield

# “You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.” - Dale Carnegie

# “I am convinced now that nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You can only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion.” - Katherine A. Allred

# “Agree with thine adversary quickly.” - Jesus

# “Be diplomatic, it will help you gain your point.” - King Akhtoi of Egypt

# Principle 2 - Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong”. In other words, don’t argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don’t tell them they are wrong, don’t get them stirred up. Use a little democracy and soon you will have no enemies and more allies.

3. If you’re wrong, Admit it -

# “Instead of breaking lances with him, I admitted that he was absolutely right and i was absolutely wrong; I admitted it quickly, openly and with enthusiasm.” - Dale Carnegie

# “There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes - and most fools do - but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes.” - Dale Carnegie

# “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.” - an Old Proverb

# Principle 3 - If you are Wrong, Admit it Quickly and Emphatically, rather then having a go at that person.

4. The High Road to a Man’s Reason: A Drop of Honey -

# “If your temper is aroused and you tell them a thing or two, you will have a fine time unloading your feelings. But what about the other persons? Will he share your pleasure? Will your belligerent tones, your hostile attitude, make it easy for him to ever agree with you?” - Dale Carnegie

# “Supposed he argued with those miners and hurled devastating facts in their faces. Supposed he had told them by his tones and insinuations that they were wrong, suppose that by all the rules of logic, he had proved them wrong. What would have happened? More anger would have been stirred up, more hatred, more revolt.” - Dale Carnegie

# “It is an old and true maxim that a “drop of honey catches more flies that a gallon of gal.” So with men, if you would won a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which will say what you will, is the great high road to his reason.” - Abraham Lincoln

# “Dean Woodcock’s friendly approach saved his company much embarrassment and bad publicity.” - Dale Carnegie

# “The sun can make you take off your coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world.” - Aesop

# Principle 4 - Begin in a Friendly Way, as if you want others to treat you more friendly, you yourself must treat them equally or more friendlier.

5. The Secret of Socrates -

# “Hence it is of the very greatest importance that a person be started in the affirmative direction.” - Dale Carnegie

# “I resolved not to talk about what the bank wanted but about what the customer wanted. And above else, i was determined to get him saying “yes, yes” from the very start.” - Mr. Eberson

# “I finally learned that it doesn’t pay to argue, that it is much more profitable and much more interesting to look at things from the other person’s viewpoint and try to get that person saying ‘yes, yes’.” - Joseph Allison

# “His whole technique, now called the ‘Socrates Method’, was based upon getting a ‘yes, yes’ response. Socrates would ask questions with which his opponent would have to agree. He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses. He kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.” - Dale Carnegie

# “The next time we are tempted to tell someone he or she is wrong, let’s remember old Socrates and ask a gentle question - a question that will get the ‘yes, yes’ response.” - Dale Carnegie

# “He who treads softly goes far.” - Ancient Chinese Proverb

# Principle 5 - Get the other Person saying “Yes, Yes” immediately. How? By applying the Socrates Method.

6. The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints -

# “I discovered, quite by accident, how richly it sometimes pays to let the other person do the talking.” - G.B.R.

# “Because i had been a good listener and let Dick do most of the talking, he was able to weigh both sides fairly in his mind, and he came to a positive conclusion, which was a challenge he created for himself. We hired him and he has been an outstanding representative for our firm.” - Richard Pryor

# “If you want enemies, excel to your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel to you.” - La Rochefoucauld

# “When we have some time to chat, i ask them to share their joys with me, and i only mention my achievements when they ask.” - Henrietta

# Principle 6 - Let the other Person do a Great Deal of Talking, let them have the centre stage to make themselves feel important and only talk about yourself only if asked to do so, even so just speak little and focus more on them.

7. How to get Cooperation -

# “Don’t you have much more faith in ideas that you discovered for yourself than in ideas that are handed to you on a silver platter? If so, isn’t it bad judgement to try to ram your opinions down the throats other people? Isn’t it wiser to make suggestions? And let the other person think out the conclusion?” - Dale Carnegie

# “I learned the best way to convert him to an idea was to plant it in his mind casually, but so as to interest him in it - so as to get him thinking about it on his own account. - Colonel House

# Principle 7 - Let the other person Feel that the idea is His or Hers, by using the Power of Suggestion.

8. A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You -

# “Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Seeing things through another person’s eyes may ease tensions when personal problems become overwhelming.” - Dale Carnegie

# “I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person - from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives - was likely to answer.” - Dean Donham

# Principle 8 - Try Honestly to see things from the other’s person Point of View. put yourself into their shoes and see why they are saying or acting in this way by wondering what they want or what they wish to hear, and respond accordingly.

9. What Everybody Wants -

# “Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will and make the other person listen attentively? Yes? Al right. Here it is. ‘ I don’t blame you for how you feel. If i were you, i would undoubtedly feel just as you do. ‘ An answer like that will soften the most cantankerous old cuss alive.” - Dale Carnegie

# “3/4 of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsty for sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Sympathy the human species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his injuries; or even inflicts a cur or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same purpose adults... show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness. Self Pity for misfortunes real or imaginary is in some measure, practically a universal practice.” - Dr. Arthur Gates

# Principle 9 - Be Sympathetic with the Other Person’s Ideas and Desires, know what they want and give it to them. Remember, humans crave for praise, understanding and sympathy.

10. An Appeal That Everybody Likes -

“But all of us, being idealist at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So, in order to change people, appeal to the Nobler motives.” - Dale Carnegie

# Principle 10 - Appeal to the Nobler Motives, do your best to talk about topics and ideas that will sound good to the other person’s ear, which is the words that he / she would like to hear and speak about and would make it a music in their ears. Do not speak about random unrelated topics.

11. The Movies do it. TV does it. Why don’t you do it? -

# “This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. The television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.” - Dale Carnegie

# “You can dramatize your ideas in business or in any other aspect of your life. Its easy. It works in home life as well. When the old-time lover proposed to his sweetheart, did he just use words of love? No! He went down on his knees. That really showed he meant what he said.” - Dale Carnegie

# Principle 11 - Dramatize your Ideas. Get people interested in talking or listening to you by talking full of enthusiasm and excitement. Smiling is the first step, but enthusiasm will take you afar.

12. When Nothing Else Works, Try This. -

# “The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.” - Charles Schwab

# “The one major factor that motivated people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job.” - Dale Carnegie

# “That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes foot-races and hog calling and pie eating contest. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.” - Dale Carngie

# Principle 12 - Throw down a challenge, deep down everybody wants to win, help them to get that feeling of achievement through the use of interest empowerment and motivation.

=== Part 4: Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment: Be A Leader) ===

Dale Carnegie’s 9 Ways to Change People without giving offense or arousing resentment (How to be a Leader): 1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. 2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. 3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. 4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. 5. Let the other person save face. 6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “Hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” 7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. 8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. 9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

1. If you must find fault, this is the way to begin -

# “Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is painkilling.”

# Principle 1 - Begin with Praise and Honest appreciation, especially if you plan to criticize, doing so will soften the blow when you criticize.

2. How to Criticize and not be hated for it -

# “Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word ‘but’ and ending with a critical statement. ex “We’re really proud of you for raising your grades, But if you had work harder, the results could’ve been better. The word ‘but’ will question the sincerity of the praise and credibility of the praise would be strained.” - Dale Carnegie

# “This could be overcome by changing the word ‘but’ to ‘and’. ex We’re really proud of you for raising your grades and by continuing the same effort, your results will be better. Now the praise will be accepted because there was no follow up of an inference of failure.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Calling attention to one’s mistake indirectly work wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.” - Dale Carnegie

# Principle 2 - Call attention to people mistakes indirectly and never criticize directly, doing so may lead to resentment.

3. Talk about your mistakes first -

# “He should have begun by talking about his own shortcomings and Wilhelm’s superiority - not by intimating the Kaiser.” - Dale Carnegie

# “If a few sentences humbling oneself and praising the other party can turn a haughty, insulted Kaiser into a staunch friend, imagine what humility and praise can do for you and me in our daily contacts.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Admitting one’s mistakes - even when one hasn’t corrected them - can help convince somebody to change his behavior.” - Dale Carnegie

# Principle 3 - Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Theres is nothing better then humility in the form of you admitting your own mistakes and your own weaknesses with a follow up of an appraisal to win over the other party.

4. No One likes to take orders

# “How could he have handled it differently? If he had asked in a friendly way, ‘Whose car is in the driveway?’ And then suggested that if it was moved, other cars could get through. The students would gladly moved it and the classmates would not been upset or resentful.” - Dale Carnegie

# Principle 4 - Ask questions instead of giving Direct orders. Do your best to avoid giving direct orders, doing so may lead to resentment. Instead, ask nicely in a form of a problem question followed up by a friendly suggestion to the solution.

5. Let the other person save face -

# “Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only satisfy our ego by causing someone to lose face.” - Dale Carnegie

# “What matters is not what i think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

# Principle 5 - Let the Other person save face, nothing good ever comes out by you humiliating someone.

6. How to Spur people on to success -

# “Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.” - Jess Lair

# Principle 6 - Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise”. Always offer praise and appreciation, you can never know how much it means to someone.

7. Give a Dog a good name -

# “The average person can be led readily if you have his / her respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability.” - Samuel Vauclain

# “In short, if you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Assume a virtue, if you have it not.” - William Shakespeare

# “Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him. But give him a good name, and see what happens!” - and old Saying

# Principle 7 - Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Give that person a bad name and he’ll live up a bad reputation. But give the person a good name, than the person will strive to live up to it.

8. Make the Fault seem easy to correct -

# “Tell the other person that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it and is doing it all wrong, you have destroyed any opportunity to improve. But use the opposite technique by make the thing seem easy, give faith and encouragement and tell him he has a flair, he will undoubtedly strive to excel.” - Dale Carnegie

# Principle 8 - Use encouragement, make the fault seem easy to correct. Give a little faith and encouragement and god willing the person will strive to improve.

9. Making People glad to do what you want -

# “Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.” - Colonel House

# Dale Carnegie’s 6 Ways on How to be an Effective Leader: Be sincere. Know exactly what you want the other person to do. Be empathetic. Always consider and tell the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest. Always Match that benefits to the other person’s wants. Always make sure your request will be seen as beneficial towards the person.

# Principle 9 - Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. How? Always be an Effective Leader.

=== Part 5 - Letters that produced Miraculous Results ===

# “That’s a good phrase: ‘I must come to you to help me answer him.’ He immediately shows the other fellow how much he has to lean on him.” - Dale Carnegie

# “They will try to boost the other man’s ego, not through genuine, real appreciation, but through flattery and insincerity. And their techniques won’t work. Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.” - Dale Carnegie

=== Part VI: Seven Rules for making your home life happier ===

Dale Carnegie’s 7 Rules for making your home life happier (How to be a good Partner) 1. Don’t Nag. 2. Don’t try to to make your partner over. 3. Don’t criticize. 4. Give honest appreciation. 5. Pay little attentions. 6. Be courteous. 7. Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.

1. How to dig your marital grave in the quickest possible way -

# “Nagging brought nothing but tragedy into their lives. They destroyed all that they cherished the most.” - Dale Carnegie

# “One of the chief reasons men leave home is because their wives nag.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Many a wife has made her own marital grave with a series of little digs.” - Boston Post

# Rule 1 - Don’t, Don’t Naaaggg!! Doing so consistently will undoubtedly strain your relationship.

2. Love and Let Live -

# “No matter how silly or scatter brained she might appear in public, he never criticized her; never a word of reproach; and if anyone dared to ridiculed her, he sprang to her defense with ferocious loyalty.” - Dale Carnegie

# “The first thing to learn in intercourse with others is noninterference with their own peculiar ways of being happy.” - Henry James

# “Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person.” - Leland Foster Wood

# Rule 2 - Don’t try to make your partner over, don’t test her by criticizing, complaining or condemning her.

3. Do this and you’ll be looking up the time-tables to reno -

# “What has habit been doing to me? This habit of finding fault, of reprimanding...” - W. Livingston

# Rule 3 - Don’t criticize, even when you are tempted to do so.

4. A quick way to make everybody happy -

# “But i have tried to see that she is entirely aware of my applause. If a women is to find happiness at all in her husband, she is to find it in his appreciation and devotion. If that appreciation and devotion is actual, there is the answer to his happiness also.” - Warner Baxter

# Rule 4 - Give honest appreciation. Remember GIC.

5. They mean so much to a Woman -

# The meaning of little attentions is this: it shows the person you love that you are thinking of her, that you are eager and want to please her, and that her happiness and welfare is very dear and very near to your heart.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Woman attach a lot of importance to birthdays and anniversaries - Just why will forever remain one of those feminine mysteries.” - Dale Carnegie

# “Trivialities are at the bottom of most marital unhappiness. Such a simple thing as a wife’s waving goodbye to her husband when he goes to work in the morning would avert a good many divorces.” - Judge Joseph Sabbath

# “Too many men underestimate the value of these small, Everyday attentions.” - Dale Carnegie

# “If you could sit there day in and day out listening to the testimony of those unhappy husbands and wives, you’d know that love ‘went in little ways’.” - Dale Carnegie

# “I shall pass this way once; any good, therefore that i can do or any kindness that i can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for i shall not pass this way again.” - Dale Carnegie

# Rule 5 - Pay little attentions. Its always the small things that matter, as these small things will eventually be builded up, through the power of compounding, into a long lasting relationship.

6. If you want to be Happy, Don’t Neglect this one -

# “It is an amazing but true thing that practically the only people who ever say mean, insulting, wounding things to us are those of our own households.” - Dorothy Dix

# “Courtesy is that quality of heart that overlooks the broken gate and calls attention to the flowers in the yard beyond the gate.” - Henry Clay Risner

# “In holland you leave your shoes outside on the doorstep before you enter your house. By the Lord Harry, we could learn a lesson from the dutch and shed our workaday troubles before we enter our homes.” - Dale Carnegie

# Rule 6 - Be Courteous. Always show respect to your wife (only if one deserves such respect) and be kind, be a gentleman to your wife.

7. Don’t be a ‘Marriage Illiterate’ -

# “According to Dr Paul Poponoe, failure in marriage is usually due to four cases: Sexual Maladjustment. (Ex Lack of Sexual Intimacy) Different opinions on spending leisure time. (Ex lack of common interest) Financial Difficulties and Mental, Physical or emotional abnormalities”

# “Sex is admittedly the most important subject in life. It is admittedly the thing which causes the most ship-wrecks in the happiness of men and women.” - John B. Watson

# Rule 7 - Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage. Sex is key to happiness in a relationship, always strive to improve your sex life as a good sex life equals to a good relationship

=== END OF BOOK ===